Living between two languages.
You function in the new language. But do you also feel in it?
Notes on homesickness, identity and the quiet sense of being in two places at once — and nowhere entirely.
Laura Clair KowalczykPsychologist & Gestalt therapistReading time: approx. 7 min.Last updated: August 2026Living between two languages costs invisible energy: your brain translates constantly, homesickness comes in waves, and the question “who am I in this language?” often stays open. This is not weakness but real extra load. What helps is taking the in-between state seriously as a state, rather than trying to work it away.
There is a moment almost everyone living abroad knows: you are telling something funny — and mid-sentence you realise the punchline doesn't work in this language. No drama. But it adds up: searching for words at the doctor's, small talk that costs energy, homesickness that strikes at the smell of a bakery, of all things. I'm Laura, psychologist & Gestalt therapist — born in Germany as the child of Polish parents, with chapters in Warsaw and Berlin. Life between languages is my profession and my biography.
What is actually working in there — four quiet construction sites.
The permanent translation.
Living in a second language means your brain does translation work even when you stopped noticing it long ago. At the end of the day energy is missing — and you don't know where it went. That is not weakness. That is workload.
The homesickness nobody sees.
Homesickness in adults counts as childish — so people keep quiet about it. Yet it is grief for something real: self-evidence. A home where you don't have to explain who you are.
The identity question.
“Who am I in this language?” Many experience themselves in their second language as flatter, harsher or quieter than they are. If people here only know you that way — which version of you is the real one?
The belonging limbo.
In the new country you are “the Pole”, “the German”, “the foreigner”. Back home you have meanwhile become “the one from Germany”. Both places have a label for you — and neither fits entirely.
What helps — and what only builds pressure.
What builds pressure: the integration ideal that treats arriving as a checklist — language perfect, local circle of friends, homesickness filed away. Anyone measuring themselves against it feels chronically behind.
What helps: taking the limbo seriously as a state instead of working it away. Keeping both languages in your everyday life — feeling may happen in Polish, working in German. Contacts where you don't have to explain yourself but are recognised. And: giving homesickness a place — it is love for something that shaped you, not a step backwards.
When the limbo tips — into exhaustion, loneliness or the feeling of standing beside your own life — therapy can be the place where both worlds are allowed to exist at once. In my work with expats and internationals we switch language when a feeling finds its name in the other one. More about therapy for expats — or about individual therapy online.
Maybe you know this ✳
- After social contact in your second language you are more exhausted than “allowed”.
- You postpone phone calls that require the local language.
- Homesickness comes in waves — often at unexpected triggers.
- In the new language you feel like a reduced version of yourself.
- Visiting “home” you notice: you are no longer entirely at home there either.
This text does not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. In an acute crisis: German crisis line 0800 111 0 111 (free, 24/7) — in an emergency call 112.
Speak in the language you feel in.
Therapy in English, German or Polish — mixed too, just like your life. The first get-to-know call is free and non-binding: 15 minutes via video.
Book a free intro callFrequently asked questions
Quick answers: the mind & life abroad.
Is homesickness normal in adults? +
Yes. Homesickness is grief for self-evidence — places, people and a language that needed no explanation. It is not a sign of failed integration but part of any major relocation.
Why am I so exhausted living abroad? +
Living in a second language means permanent extra work for the brain — plus rebuilding everything that was ready-made at home: networks, routines, belonging. This invisible load explains a lot of exhaustion.
Can moving abroad trigger mental health problems? +
Emigration is one of the bigger life disruptions and can amplify existing themes — anxiety, low mood, relationship conflicts. Early support makes the transition considerably easier.
Which language should therapy be in? +
In the language you feel in — and that may change. In my sessions English, German and Polish are all possible, even mixed within one session.
About the author
Laura Clair Kowalczyk is a psychologist (M.A.) and Gestalt therapist (IGG Berlin). Since 2019 she has been working with people online — in English, German and Polish — on anxiety, stress and life transitions.
More about Laura